my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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