I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
