in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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