He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
