I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
