It's Friday. Sex?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
