After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
