he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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