Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
