she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The Olympian is in my bed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
