No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
