We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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