I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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