She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
