I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
