I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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