Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
