Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
