I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
