what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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