she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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