his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
