i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
