And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
