based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
