I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
