yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
