And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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