My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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