the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My cat gives me a boner
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
