He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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