Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
