Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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