We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
