i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
