So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
