Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
