i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
