No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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