It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
