My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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