Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
