My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
