Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
