Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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