new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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