I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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