idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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