one word: firstdatebathroomanal
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
