you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
