so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
