I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
