i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
