I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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